Evil Apprentice Options

[Malstygian]

List of remaining applicants - fired employees are struck out:

Capitas

Lucy T3h Eevee
Captain Pooshoes
Shadow Mage
Jolterion
Turrican
Rayna
Hal


Decadents

Dragonix
Soulright
Thief
Rakeltin
M. Douglas Skymaster


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Episode 000: Introductions

Thirteen individuals (the twelve applicants and the operator) stood in the semi-spacious walnut paneled elevator on the ground floor of Maltech enterprises. The doors closed, then opened, attempted to shut, but flew back open again.

“Sir?” the elevator operator tapped the scaly shoulder of the lone reptilian passenger. “Would you be so good as to pull your tail inside the car?”

Dragonix’s black face went beet red as he pulled his tail into the elevator amidst snickering and sniggering from some of the others. Finally the doors closed and the car descended down the shaft at a rapid pace. Unfortunately, he had pulled his tail into the elevator so quickly that it created a makeshift draft, momentarily lifting Soulright the wolf’s skirt. Of course the gentlemen did not try to sneak a surreptitious peek – well, maybe one did and a few others tried. Needless to say, Dragonix’s cheeks weren’t the only ones that were red.

Since this ride will take awhile, as the omniscient narrator, I thought now would be a good time to introduce the other players in this story.

In the back corner, a man dressed in a lustrous blue metallic was leaning upon the rear wall of the elevator. He was one of the few not laughing at the mishaps of Dragonix or Soulright. Why? Because he didn’t have a sense of humor – that’s why. Additionally, he didn’t mince words – hardly any at all as it turned out. The only words that had left his lips thus far were his name: “Turrican.” Well, technically it was the suit’s name, but no one dared to ask him his real name after watching the vagrant outside fleeing for his life. The poor sap had dared to ask Turrican for a quarter to which the spaceman reached in his pocket and pulled out…a large multi-functioned firearm – deadly in nature. Turrican made forty-one cents on that transaction.

Next to Turrican, at a spacious distance, stood Jolterion - a fox with yellow and white tufts of fur cleverly disguising his razor sharp spikes. He made quite a shocking introduction to the men as he surged a few volts through each of his handshakes. When hugging the female applicants, he listened with satisfaction at their screams as they were being stuck by his spikes. Right now a methodical evil laughter was emanating from him after watching Dragonix’s and Soulright’s faux pas. If he had stuck his pinkie into his mouth, you would have sworn he was Dr. Evil.

In the other rear corner, one of the ceiling panels of the elevator panels had burned out, creating makeshift shadows. Crouching there was a figure dressed in an old-fashioned ninja suit so that only his eyes were showing. Suddenly, with a crazed laugh, the pointed-eared creature tossed a bomb into the air of the enclosed space. With shouts of “What the hell are you doing!!?” and “You idiot!”, everyone threw themselves on the carpeted floor of the elevator awaiting the inevitable boom. Seconds later, the “bomb” expelled a small cloud of smoke small and then to everyone’s chagrin, released gobs of confetti from its interior. From his perch in the shadows, Thief the Elven looked at the group and tittered.

Nearby, a tan-black German shepherd stomped the torrent of confetti from his black Koroftian military boots. As soon as he arrived, Commander Douglas Skymaster wasted no time in letting everyone know just who the top dog of this brigade was. When he had parked his Sherman tank outside of Maltech and had no change for the parking meter, he ran over it – multiple times. Now, with every chance he got, the Carradane Commander shot Thief dirty and threatening glances for sullying his footwear. Taking a deep breath, in an attempt to calm himself, Douglas suddenly plunged his right paw into his utility jacket and came out with his static plasma cannon. “Think that was funny, elf boy!?” he roared with indignation as he leveled the weapon toward the dark corner.

“ARRRRR, DOUGLAS,” Captain Pooshoes shouted unnecessarily loud and then hiccupped. “Put yer little boomstick away before ya get hurt, boy!” Being somewhat under the influence, the intoxicated captain physically pushed the weapon down, not afraid of it accidentally discharging. Turning around, he smiled at seeing a light-purple fox-like creature and slapped it on the rear. “Arrr,” he said with affection and a wide grin. “You be a buxom broad – that’s for sure.” Seconds later, the captain had a red mark on his face from where he had been slapped. “Arrr…” he said in a more subdued tone.

At hearing Commander Skymaster’s and Captain Pooshoes' voices, Jolterion started his Dr. Evil laugh once more – Wayne’s World meets Garth Brooks.

Rakeltin the demon stood in the center of the elevator and he was a bit miffed – not at the prospect his entire body was coated with confetti, but at his diminutive stature. Normally, he would have stood a mighty twelve feet tall and twelve feet wide, but contingent to competing for the evil apprentice position, he had to allow Maltech scientists to shrink him so that he could fit inside of the building. This included his wings and tail which were now reduced to a size proportional to the rest of his body. Upon his firing, he would be restored to his normal size. However, if he were to win the competition, he would be forced to remain his current 6 feet 2 inches. To pass the monotony of the downward descent, Rakeltin took off his pitch black helmet and meticulously cleaned the confetti off of it.

Meanwhile, Lucy Teh Eevee was swishing her purple tail angrily, still peeved at Captain Pooshoes’ earlier conduct. She whipped out a purple mirror from somewhere from the folds of her fur and raved about how cute she looked. Looking down, she thought the flaming chainsaw nestled in her pink paws increased her cuteness factor by at least five. If that lewd sailor tried to cop another feel, she’d let him have it, but good – she smiled at the thought of the flames on the chainsaw ripping through his flesh. Maybe later.

The redness in Dragonix’s face slowly started to diminish from the first incident, but it must not have been enough to mortify himself once. Perhaps capricious beings such as Dragonix lived for having the spotlight – be it good or bad. In a truly random move, the young dragon turned to face Captain Pooshoes. “Buxom - what’s that? Am I buxom?”

“ARRHARRHARR!!” was the histrionic sarcastic response and then the pirate cleared his throat. “No,” he said soberly.

Soulright shook her head in disgust over the earlier occasion and fumed. Over the previously airborne skirt, the female wolf sported a red t-shirt emblazoned with a “D:” logo printed on the front and “=o” design printed on the back. “How would you like to be turned into a purse, you clumsy dragon!?” she screeched like a shrew.

“Sorry…” Dragonix murmured.

“Well,” a new voice interjected. “Maybe if you wouldn’t have worn that lightweight skirt. – it doesn’t do a thing for you by the way.” Hal the hyena looked at Soulright with a smirk.

“HOW DARE YOU!?” Soulright thundered, balling up her fists.

“Ah ah,” Hal cautioned as he pressed the muzzle of one of his twin Uzis to Soulright’s nose. “Don’t do anything stupid.” His yellow eyes burned brightly and his blood red pupils bore into Soulright as she mulled over her next move.

“You’ll get yours!” Soulright finally whirled away from the hyena with a huff.

With a satisfied look, Hal returned the guns to the holsters located on his hip. He had always been a quick draw and loved to showcase it whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Nearby, a black eagle sighed and shook her head as she observed the scene. Rayna ran her hand through her silver tipped feathers, preening herself. Dressed in a black leather jacket and faded black jeans, one could make the argument that the eagle and hyena were twins except for the fact that (a ) they had not even known of each other’s existence until today and (b ) were two completely different species. She scoffed at the hyena in his choice of weapons. Why use guns where anything can go wrong when a clean cut with a knife will end it all with no trace? She patted one of the pockets of her jacket where her large bowie knife was easily accessible if need be. The thought made Rayna smile.

Last, but certainly not least, Shadow Mage. No one knew exactly what species this dark sorcerer was since his snugly fitting brimmed hat shrouded most of his face except for his haunting eyes. His voice, sounding almost demonic, caused the hairs on the backs of a few passengers to rise. “Don’t even think about it,” he warned Jolterion who had his hands hovering over the magician’s hat, attempting to remove it. At hearing his voice, Jolterion slowly backed off with noticeable trepidation for Shadow Mage wasn’t facing him when the hat was about to be removed nor did the sorcerer have a mirror – he just…knew.

Soulright, still irked about earlier, grabbed Dragonix’s tail. The unsuspecting dragon was lost in his thoughts and thus did not feel a thing. Suddenly, he jumped up with a yelp and banged his head on the ceiling of the elevator. Rubbing his head vigorously, Dragonix pulled his tail toward him for a closer inspection – two bite marks.

“Hey!” he protested. “Who bit me?” Just then, the elevator jerked to a halt and the bell rang, signaling that the group had arrived at their destination. “DING! Fries are done!” yelled Dragonix as the doors opened, forgetting about his throbbing tail.

As the group exited into a handsomely decorated office, they stared pointedly at the voluptuous secretary sitting behind the lone desk. “Mr. Stygian will see you now in the boardroom,” she purred, indicated a set of double doors to the left.

Turrican twisted the gold knob and shoved the large wooden door open. As the applicants filed into the room, they took in the surroundings. Various pictures were hung in gilt frames on the walls depicting Malstygian and his minions committing random acts of badness. An immense table dominated the floor space of the room. At one end of the long table sat six comfortable looking chairs which Douglas, Thief, Dragonix, Rakeltin, Jolterion, and Hal immediately grabbed and refused to relinquish – manners don’t mean anything to a villain. The other six stood behind them, pouting at having to stand. At the other end of the table sat three empty seats: two more comfortable looking chairs and a green leather executive chair situated in between them. At the moment, they were empty. Bickering soon began between those who were sitting and those who were not.

Seconds later, the chattering immediately ceased as the doors at the opposite side of the room opened. Vixienne the fox and Lord Fear the time lord sauntered into the room as the door shut behind them – their faces devoid of expression. They each took a seat next to the green chair. Then the door opened once more and Malstygian entered the room with an air of importance – he was the ringmaster of this circus after all. The dragon settled into the executive chair and steepled his fingers.

He looked at the candidates and smirked. “Welcome to the worst job interview of your lives. In the coming weeks, I will be subjecting you to outlandish and fiendish tasks. After each, one of you will be fired. There's no goody bag to go away with, there's no blonde in a pretty dress that'll let you cry on her bosom. No, once you are fired, the only thing you'll get is a taxi fare home! When there are only two of you left, I shall select one to be my new evil apprentice to head up a new division of my ever-expanding evil empire. Naturally, I cannot be with you all the time during a task so that’s where my advisors enter into the picture. Let me introduce them to you now.”

“I was very impressed by the resume submitted by Vixienne.” Malstygian gestured to his left to the fox. Though she was seated, Vixienne looked stunning and some of the men, especially Captain Pooshoes, were drooling. “She attended Evil U. where she received her Bachelor’s in Sadism and is the only individual to graduate from the University with a perfect grade point average.”

Vixienne looked at the group as a sadistic smile crept on to her face. “Dahlins, we’re going to have soooooooo much fun.”

“Lord Fear,” Malstygian indicating the gentleman sitting to his right, “is my longtime confidante who specializes in the manufacturing and distribution of weapons of mass destruction. He’s seen it all so if you want to impress him, you’ll have to do something really spectacular.”

“Welcome to Hell,” Lord Fear addressed the group as he flipped his fifteen foot long scarf around his neck. “I hope that it’s hot enough for you!”

“Let me warn you,” Malstygian cautioned. “This is the last time that you want to be sitting in this room. If you wind up in here again, you stand the possibility of being fired.” The dragon shifted in his chair as he switched gears. “Since you all just arrived, you probably want to go downstairs to the suite and unpack your belongings. There, you’ll find your assigned teams. Each of you has been assigned to either the Capitas or Decadents. If you don’t like your teammates, tough - part of being a villain is to suffer the burden of working with cretins. Be ready to leave for your first task in two hours. Now get the hell out – you bother me.”

When the door had shut behind Rayna, the last applicant to leave the room, Malstygian commented aloud to his advisors: “They are certainly a diverse bunch, aren’t they?”

“I agree dahlin,” the vile fox assented. “But I see some real potential in them.”

Malstygian nodded and turned to his other advisor. “What do you think, Fear?”

“They look like the sorriest group of bunglers that I’ve ever seen,” the time lord replied simply.

“I guess that only time will tell,” the dragon concluded with a noncommittal shrug.

In a lower level of Maltech, the candidates had just entered the suite. It was a most luxurious apartment with twelve bedrooms, twelve bathrooms, deluxe kitchen, fully stocked bar, and sumptuous furniture at every turn.

On a teakwood desk, Lucy had found a typewritten note indicating the composition of the teams.

Capitas: Lucy Teh Eevee, Captain Pooshoes, Shadow Mage, Jolterion, Turrican, and Rayna.

Decadents: Hal, Dragonix, Soulright, Thief, Rakeltin, and M. Douglas Skywalker.

As each applicant examined the list to see their teammates, audible groaning could be heard.

Next Episode: The first task and the first firing!

[Rising_Phoenix]

XD! That was GREAT.

Can't wait to see what the first assignment is.

[Hunni]

I wonder if I can get revenge on Pooshoes for that so called sly move. >8U

[shy guy]

That was AWESOME! I can't wait until the next one. LOL *Laughs like Dr. Evil*

[ShadowSoulright]

Oh nice one. XD I can tell you know me to well with the way I'm responding. *pokes my t-shirt* Honestly can't wait to see how this turns out. Oh the fun we'll be having...

Love the writting, by the way, as you introduced the characters nicely.

[Tanman]

Wow, good to see you get into this so dang quickly Mal - You do what you do so well that it makes me jealous. I can't wait to see what fiendishly evil plans you have for the potential evil applicants. I know it'll be good, but it's still not enough to sate my desire to read it right now.

[Dragonix]

DING fries are done XD

NICE. This looks great.

[Turrican II]

I liked that opening. I liked it a lot. Very happy with the characterisation so far, and I love the little gags.

[Xaiv]

Heheheh. I reallly liked that. Humorous and well-written. Can't wait for the first task . . . and the first firing. =X

[fist the echinda]

Wow, this was great! Not for the scientists, though, considering they probably have quite a few claw marks from trying to take away one of Rakeltin's pride and joys. They took away his size... Oh, yes, and you got his personality right in just one paragraph, too! He'd always try too ignore the ruckus... Unless, of course, someone happenened to touch his armor. Than he'd get mad.

[LordF]

I liked it, I found it funny and I was drawn into it easily. Keep up the great work Mally.

[pooshoes]

I wonder if I can get revenge on Pooshoes for that so called sly move. >8U

You loved it really.

[niles]

OMG, this is shaping up to be a great fic. I can't wait for the next chapter.

[digs]

Great start for this project. Pretty funny and very well described. Having no trouble imagining the events at all.

Can't wait for the next episode.

[Malstygian]

Episode 001: With Egg on their Faces

The ringing of the telephone sliced through the tension in the suite. Most of the applicants had finally stopped moaning and groaning over the composition of the teams. After the tumultuous scene in the elevator, it was quite remarkable that each of the twelve had chosen their bedrooms without additional strife. Hal walked over to the small end table where the phone sat and picked up the receiver.

“It’s your nickel,” the hyena said coolly.

“Ahem…” the anonymous secretary began. “Mr. Stygian would like you and the others to report outside in fifteen minutes.”

“Sure thing, dollface,” Hal acknowledged as he banged down the phone. “Yo!” he shouted. When no one appeared, he drew out his two Uzis and began firing rounds into the air until the other eleven applicants appeared.

“What the hell is wrong with you!?” Rakeltin demanded of Hal. “There are other ways to get our attention besides shooting your gun off, dude.”

“Eh,” Hal shrugged as he holstered the guns. “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“So why did you summon us?” Shadow Mage demanded.

“Mal wants everyone outside on the double.”

“Mal?” Rayna cocked an eyebrow with a smirk. “Since when did you start calling him Mal?”

“Since it gets tiring saying his full name every time!” Hal snapped. “What is this – the third degree?”

Rayna just smiled – she had gotten to Hal and he knew it.

Without any further conversation, the group left the suite. Fifteen minutes later, two SUVs carrying each team pulled out of Maltech and headed due north.

“So, anyone know where we’re going?” Douglas Skymaster asked aloud.

“No idea,” Dragonix replied while glancing out the window. Though the dragon was usually random as anything, the ride seemed to be lulling him into normalcy. “That looks like the SA Mall though.”

“And there’s the library!” Soulright joined in.

“If we passed the library,” Thief concluded, “then we’re leaving Sonic Anime.” With a puzzled expression, he leaned forward and tapped the driver on the shoulder. “Hey, buddy, where are we going?”

The driver turned around and looked at him with a wide grin. “lol, wiigoin 2c t3h dok, lol.”

“Awww great,” Thief groaned. “Anyone speak nOOb?” The rest of the group shook their head in the negative. “Well,” he said, leaning back into his seat. “I guess we have to wait and see.”

The Capitas were not having much better luck ascertaining the mystery destination. When Turrican tried “persuading” their driver to reveal the location, the poor nOOb took his hands off the wheel and cowered.

“GET YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE WHEEL!!” Lucy screamed.

“OH noz!” the nOOb driver moaned, pointing. The SUV had maneuvered into the opposite lane and was on a collision course with a tractor-trailer. Rayna leaned over and jerked the wheel hard to the right - the vehicle narrowly missing a deadly crash.

“Whew,” the eagle wiped the sweat from her head. No one else dared to distract the driver after that near death experience.

A half hour later the vehicles pulled up and stopped in front of an impressive looking edifice. As the applicants exited, a few smiled, realizing where they were.

Seconds later, a long black stretch limousine parked behind the second SUV. The driver rushed out and opened the rear door. Malstygian followed by his two advisors extricated stepped from the vehicle and gave the applicants a curt nod.

“Welcome to your first challenge,” Mal opened. “Everyone thinks that being a super villain is all fun and games, but they’re wrong. Your first task will test a rudimentary element of evilness - being an assistant to a well-known super villain. Dr. Eggman is one of today’s premier super villains. In his long and illustrious career, he’s designed and built thousands of raging robots and malevolent machines. Though he has never achieved his ultimate goal of catching Sonic the Hedgehog, he has caused billions of dollars worth of damage to the world’s governments. Naturally, he has a team of assistants to do the low-level grunt work.”

“Today, his assistants have been given the day off. Both teams will spend three hours waiting hand and foot on Dr. Eggman. The winning team will be the one who can better satisfy Dr. Eggman at their task. If you lose, your team will meet me back in the boardroom where someone will be fired. Now I need a project manager from each team to keep their team on track. Let me remind you that being a project manager is a double-edged sword – if your team wins the task, you will receive much credit. However, if your team loses, you will be on the hot seat later in the boardroom. So who are the project managers?”

A purple paw extended slowly upwards. “I’ll represent the Capitas,” Lucy the Eevee volunteered.

“And I’ll take the reins for the Decadents,” Soulright the wolf offered.

“Good,” Malstygian nodded. “Well, I have to leave now to go supervise a major hijacking, but I leave you in the capable hands of my two advisors. Vixienne will watch the Decadents and Lord Fear will watch the Capitas. Perform at your best for their reports will influence who gets fired tonight. Good luck to you both.” With that, Mal climbed back into the limo and it sped off.

“Right, everybody inside,” Lord Fear commanded while making a funny face.

“Excuse me, Lord Fear?” Jolterion asked. “Are you alright? You look sick.”

“I’m fine!” the time lord snapped. “It’s just one of me personality quirks to do a funny face whenever I bloody well feel like it. Anyone have a problem with that?” Hearing no response, he spun on his heels and led the group inside, his Bart Simpson slippers plodding along the plush carpeting in Eggman’s residence.

The illustrious doctor was seated in a chair in the control room. When the group entered, he spun around facing them, not bothering to get up. He chuckled softly before speaking.
“Welcome, my friends. So you want to be a super villain, eh? It appears my villainous cohort, Malstygian, has asked me to test you in that domain and so I shall! But!” He threw a finger into the air. “I’m not going to be the only one who’s going to be judging you!”

The applicants began looking at each other with a puzzled expression when Eggman suddenly called: “Oh Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiles!!!” Seconds later, an orange hedgehog donning the exact same wardrobe as Eggman cartwheeled into the room. Stopping right in front of the doctor, he gave a crisp salute and bowed deeply.

“How may I serve you today, my liege?”

“Nothing right now, but we have visitors!” Eggman pointed behind the hedgehog. Niles turned around and started growling. He unsheathed his sword.

“Want me to take out the garbage, master?”

“No, no,” you knucklehead. “For once, these are invited guests. Now put that sword away!”

Niles sulked but did as he was told.

“Now,” Eggman continued. “We’re going to put each team to work in a different part of the base. One team will be responsible for unpacking some of my metallic friends downstairs in the loading dock and the other will be in charge of preparing dinner! Niles will be responsible for watching the kitchen team and I will monitor the team in the loading dock from here. You,” he randomly pointed to Thief. “Which task does your team want?”

Without hesitation Thief opted for the kitchen assignment. It was a natural choice since he was a master chef, but if he had bothered to poll his teammates, he would have discovered that Hal was the only other one competent in the kitchen. Oh boy.

“Alright, you rapscallions,” Eggman announced. “It is now 4 p.m. You have until 7 p.m. to impress me. At that time, you shall all report back here. Now get to work!” The teams scurried off – the Capitas to the loading dock and the Decadents to the kitchen.

“So what do you think Eggman likes to eat?” Rakeltin asked aloud as he began searching a cupboard in the kitchen.

“Hmm,” Dragonix scratched his chin. “His name’s Eggman so maybe something with eggs in it…what about an omelet?”

The rest of his team stared at him – not because he was out of his mind per say, but because this actually sounded intelligent and not random.

“Ok,” Soulright piped up, taking her responsibility as team leader. “So we’ve got an omelet. What else?” Just then she noticed the orange hedgehog with his feet propped up at the table, hands clasped behind his head. “Niles, sweetie!” she called. “What does your master like to eat?”

Niles unclasped his hands from the back of his head and stared at Soulright intently for awhile. He then gave her a raspberry before going back into his relaxed position. Secretly, Niles wanted the team to fail since he thought that only he should be given the task of satisfying his master. So naturally he didn’t mention that the doctor abhorred anything containing eggs, despite his name. Instead, the hedgehog just smiled.

“Well, that’s not very nice!” Soulright protested and would have jumped Niles had her team not restrained her.

“Stop it, you fool!” Hal hissed as he pulled at the wolf’s hair. “He’s one of the judges! You’re supposed to be the leader so act like one!”

After taking a few deep breaths, Soulright had sufficiently calmed down. She nodded and the rest of the team released her. The Decadents then went back to work deciding what to put on the menu for dinner. Unfortunately for Soulright, the little incident did not go unnoticed by Vixienne.

Meanwhile, the Capitas had just arrived at the loading dock. Along the back wall, there was a pyramid of neatly stacked boxes - it was near impossible to tell how many boxes were in the pile.

“Where do we begin?” Lucy wailed eying the immense stack.

“At the top – obviously,” Turrican quipped. It was painfully obvious that he was being serious. Yep, no sense of humor whatsoever.

“Rayna,” Lucy ordered. “Start getting the boxes down from the top.”

The eagle was a little shocked at being ordered around by the cloyingly cute fox, but then again, she was the only one who could fly. She flew up and retrieved six boxes – one for each team member.

Inside of each box, they found unassembled robot parts – hundreds of them.

“He’s GOT to be kidding…” Jolterion said in disbelief as he slapped his hand to his head. “Ow,” he uttered as he poked himself with a sharp spike.

“ARRRRRRRRR,” Captain Pooshoes lamented quite loudly as he sifted through the myriad of metallic bolts and screws. “Mah crews contained live landlubbers, not scurvy metal robots!” He took a nip from a flask concealed in his hip pocket. “Ahhhh, that’s the stuff.”

Watching his teammates struggle, Shadow Mage took one of the boxes and dumped its contents onto the floor. Hundreds of parts spilled out along with a sheet detailing assembly instructions. Waving his hands, he magically joined together two pieces that seemed to fit well together. He seemed quite pleased with himself until he looked at the mound of robots Turrican had assembled. The spaceman had already assembled nine complete robots and was working feverishly on his tenth. No one else had even come close to assembling one. The Capitas lapsed into silence as they began concentrating on assembling the robots.

Back in the kitchen, things were not going so smoothly…

“You don’t know how to cook!?” Soulright asked with disbelief.

“No,” Douglas replied airily. “I was born into money so my servants fixed all the meals. When I came of age, I signed up in the Carradane military and ate in the mess halls. Then I was promoted to Commander and I’ve been eating at five-star establishments ever since.”

“Arrrrgh,” Soulright closed her eyes. “Well, do you think you’re capable of making Mac n’ Cheese?”

“Excuse me?” Douglas inquired indignantly. “What exactly is this…Mac n’ Cheese?”

“It’s a dish so simple to make that any idiot can do it,” Soulright quipped tossing him the box.

“Well,” Douglas huffed. “If anyone can do it, then M. Douglas Skymaster can do it even better!”

The Decadents had finally decided on spaghetti and meatballs prepared by Thief since he was the most experienced cook, Hal would cook the previously discussed omelet, Dragonix had volunteered to make mashed potatoes, and Soulright had delegated Douglas the task of making macaroni and cheese. Rakeltin would assist when needed.

“Suuuuuuuure,” Dragonix mouthed sarcastically at his station. He wasn’t much better than the commander in the kitchen, but at least he could make Mac n’ Cheese. As it turned out, the dragon should have made the dish. Instead, he went back to making mashed potatoes, unaware of the impending disaster.

Without bothering to read the directions, Commander Skymaster stuck the unopened box of macaroni and cheese into the microwave. About 35 seconds later, there was cracking and sizzling noises emanating from the microwave. Soon after, the box exploded into flames.

“Oh ****,” Douglas groaned as he watched the mini-inferno.

Niles was doubled over in laughter on the floor. “Maybe…every idiot…can’t make Mac n’ Cheese!” he gasped between fits of laughter.

“Why you…” Douglas seethed. Before he could start a fistfight with Niles, he watched in disbelief as Rakeltin ran over with a bucketful of water. “NO YOU IDIOT!” Douglas screamed waving his hands frantically in the air. But it was too late. With a mighty hiss and a shower of sparks, the microwave exploded into a humongous fireball and threatened to reduce the kitchen to cinders. Soulright didn’t know what to do so she just ran around in circles, screaming.

Thief knew that he had to take charge or this task and the kitchen for that matter would be completely lost. He stopped stirring the sauce for the spaghetti. “Dragonix,” the Elven commanded. “Go get towels, a lot of them!” The black dragon nodded and darted out of the room.

“Niles!” Thief demanded of the orange hedgehog. “Where is the fire extinguisher!?” The orange hedgehog just kept laughing, clutching his sides. The Elven cleared his throat mightily. “Unless you want this kitchen to be completely destroyed and have it happen on YOUR watch, I suggest you tell me where the damn fire extinguisher is!”

Niles considered this and finally conceded the point. The pointy-eared guy was right – his master would be furious if the kitchen were to be wrecked. Wordlessly, he pointed to a cabinet next to the refrigerator.

Thief opened the cabinet, yanked out the fire extinguisher, and liberally coated the microwave with foam. The conflagration was noticeably reduced when Dragonix returned with the towels. A few minutes later and the fire was completely extinguished.

“Well…,” Thief spoke after a lengthy silence. “At least we have the spaghetti.”

“And the omelet,” Hal chimed in, flipping it onto a plate.

“I gots the mashed potatoes,” Dragonix called happily.

Now that the kitchen had been saved, Niles returned to his original plan of sabotage. He let the first five Decadents exit the kitchen without incident, but as Dragonix walked by carrying his dish, the orange hedgehog stuck his foot out. Caught off balance, the black dragon teetered forward, then backwards. Just when he thought that he regained his balance, he lost his grip and dropped the dish on the floor. CRASH! “Har har,” Niles snickered. “Now they’re smashed potatoes!”

“You did that on purpose!” Dragonix complained, hands on hips.

“Pffft,” Niles said dismissively with a wave of his white-gloved hand. “You should have watched where you were going.”

Soulright rushed back in at hearing the crash and gasped. “You clumsy oaf!” she scolded Dragonix. “You ruined the mashed potatoes!”

“But…” Dragonix started to say.

“No excuses!” Soulright snapped. “We’re out of time. Let’s just get to Eggman’s control room with what we have.” She then rushed out of the room leaving Dragonix and Niles alone.

“I know you did that on purpose, Niles…” the dragon looked at him through slitted eyes.

“Have a magical day!” Niles waved with a facetious smile as Dragonix sulked out of the room empty-handed.

Downstairs, Turrican continued to leave his teammates in the dust. Perhaps the secret to his success was not in the manual dexterity of the man inside the suit, but an internal program inside of the suit. Anyway, he had assembled two hundred seventy-two complete robots while Jolterion had assembled a measly thirty-six robots – the second-most of the Capitas.

Meanwhile, Lord Fear was observing the applicants when he noticed that someone was not working – perhaps it was the loud snoring that alerted him. He ambled over to Captain Pooshoes who had fallen victim to the soporific effects of the rum in his flask. “Get up boy!” he viciously kicked the sleeping pirate with the toe of his slipper.

“Ugh…ugh…I’m up, I’m up – stop hittin’ on yer cap’n *HIC*!”

Lord Fear’s face contorted into a painful expression as he whipped out what looked like an egg whisk from his trenchcoat. “Boy, if you don’t start getting to work now, I won’t wait for Mal to fire your arse – I’ll erase you from space and time right here and now!”

“With *HIC* that thing?” Pooshoes laughed heartily. “I’ve seen wenches *HIC* that looked scarier than *HIC* that thar thing!”

“It’s a death ray, you imbecile!”

“Alright, alright!” the captain held his hands in the air. “Arrr, the things I do sometimes for villainy… *HIC*.” He picked up two incongruous pieces and attempted to jam them together. When it was obvious that they didn’t fit together, he shrugged and threw the two pieces over his shoulder.

“Incompetent ***,” Lord Fear slapped his head and involuntarily made another funny face.

The rest of the Capitas had no such problems – they were just moving at a snail’s pace compared to Turrican.

At 7 p.m., both teams along with Niles and the advisors arrived back in Eggman’s control room. Two members of the Decadents stood holding covered dishes.

“You,” Eggman pointed to Thief. “You were the one who chose to cook so I think I shall partake of your dish first.”

Thief nodded and set the platter down on a table before Eggman. Picking up a fork, the evil scientist lifted up the platter. “What is this?”

“Homemade spaghetti and meatballs, doctor,” Thief responded.

Eggman silently twirled some of the pasta around his fork and popped it into his mouth. A few apprehensive seconds passed while he chewed with neither an expression of satisfaction nor dissatisfaction on his face. He then cut into a meatball and sampled it. “Exquisite,” he commented. “What else have you brought me?” he asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

On cue, Hal laid his dish down before the doctor. Taking the cover off the dish, Eggman’s eyes shot up wide from behind his dark glasses. “What…IS THIS?” he demanded, attempting to stay calm.

“An omelet, duh.” Hal sassed, oblivious to the doctor’s anger.

“YOU FOOL!” Eggman roared. “I’M DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO EGG PRODUCTS!” He flung the dish like a frisbee where it shattered into a million pieces on the opposite wall. “So…you try to impress me by KILLING me? Not good, my friends, not good at all. What else?” he hissed.

“Uh…,” Soulright stuttered. “That’s all really.”

“Whaaaat!? Three hours in the kitchen and you only brought me two dishes!?”

“We had mashed potatoes,” Dragonix put in quietly.

“Well…where are they?” Eggman pressed.

“Your…assistant,” Dragonix glared at Niles. “…caused me to drop them.”

The orange hedgehog deftly leapt into Eggman’s lap where he gave the evil doctor puppy dog eyes.

“Niles…” Eggman began in a gentle tone as he pet the orange hedgehog until he purred. “Did you do this?”

“Of course not, master.”

“But…” Dragonix tried.

“SILENCE!” Eggman’s voice cut sharply through the air. “Any other dishes conveniently not present?”

“We also attempted to make macaroni and cheese, but…” Soulright hesitated, sweating.

“…they blew up the microwave, master,” Niles finished gleefully.

“WHAT!!? My beautiful microwave!!? Destroyed!?”

Niles nodded vigorously.

Eggman coughed, curtailing his obvious anger. “Thank you Decadents for a most…interesting meal… Now, as for the Capitas,” Eggman continued. “You assembled a total of 393 robots in a span of three hours. In comparison, my assistants normally assemble an average of 850 robots in three hours – that is absolutely abysmal and unacceptable. BUT!” he locked Turrican in his gaze. “You assembled 305 robots when one of my assistants would have only assembled 251 in the same time – good job.” Eggman then looked each of the Decadents in the eye as he spoke. “As my last criticism, let me caution that efficiency is key when running an evil empire!” He spun his chair so that it faced away from the applicants – obviously signaling the end of the conversation. “Thank you all. I shall call Malstygian and let him know of my decision. Good day.”

The candidates filed out of Eggman’s complex and back into the 2 SUVs while Lord Fear and Vixienne settled themselves in a Maltech limo. The return trip was silent as both teams were unsure of their performance and more importantly, they did not want to distract the nOOb drivers again.

Two hours later, the entourage arrived back at Maltech where they took the elevator down to the forty-eighth basement – without incident this time.

“Mr. Stygian will see you now,” the secretary beckoned toward the boardroom.

The candidates entered the room and nodded to the already seated advisors who did not return the acknowledgement.

Malstygian entered the room from the rear door and plopped into the green chair between Vixienne and Lord Fear. “Well,” he opened. “I just had a very interesting conversation with Dr. Eggman. It’s readily apparent that this task has a clear winner. Therefore, the team that wins the first challenge is…” He paused for a few seconds to increase the tension as he looked from each candidate. “…the Capitas.”

Members of the Capitas had relieved facial expressions whereas the Decadents had ones of disappointment and pain.

“Capitas,” Mal continued. “You’re all safe this time so you can head back down to the suite.” They exited the room without any further delay and Turrican, the last to leave, shut the door behind him.

“Ugggh,” Mal said as he put his head into his hands. “This task went wrong on so many levels that it’s not even funny… I don’t even know where to start…”

“I think I do, Mal,” Lord Fear offered. He stared at the Decadents as a look of disgust formed on his face. “Are you all bloody imbeciles!!?”

No one answered – a few hung their heads down while the rest gazed straight ahead.

“Let’s get the easy part out of the way,” Mal said turning to Thief. “Eggman thought your spaghetti and meatballs was the best thing since sliced bread.”

Thief nodded ascent.

“Now, about the omelet now,” Mal continued. “Why the hell didn’t anyone poll Eggman and try to find out what he liked? That omelet could have killed him!”

“His name was Eggman so we assumed…” Dragonix squeaked.

Lord Fear slammed his fist on the table. “You bloody idiot! You never assume something like that!” He rolled his eyes in disgust.

“Excuse me,” Soulright held up her hand. “May I say something?”

“Go ahead,” Mal replied gruffly.

“We tried to ask his good for nothing assistant Niles what dishes Eggman preferred, but the buffoon did nothing but laugh at us!”

“But that still doesn’t change the point that someone could have gone back to the control room and asked him!” Mal reiterated. “Alright, there’s only two other things I want to know: who suggested the omelet and who made it?”

“I made it,” Dragonix volunteered.

“And I cooked it,” Hal spat out.

“How the bloody hell does one **** up making Mac n’ cheese!!?” Lord Fear thundered, moving on to the next blunder. “You just take it out of the box and read the damn directions!”

“Commander Skymaster, you openly exclaimed that you could not cook, yet, when you were given the order to make something, you didn't bother reading any instructions. Why were you so frivolous in not doing so?” Vixienne’s manner was much more calm and deliberate than the time lord’s, but it was still pointed.

“I didn’t know that box would explode!” Douglas protested.

“If you would have opened it,” the female fox pressed, “you would have discovered that the noodles were wrapped in aluminum foil which is very flammable. I’m sorry commander, but with the plans you must oversee and read for your military operations, this is an oversight that I cannot overlook.”

“Everyone saw me put the box in the microwave, but yet no one said anything! What were they all doing for those 30 or so seconds?” Douglas exclaimed in defense.

Mal nodded slightly. “Sounds like a good question to me – any answers?”

No one responded.

“It seems like teamwork broke down at that juncture,” Mal concluded pithily.

“Let’s move forward to when the box actually caught fire in the microwave,” Vixienne said as she arched an eyebrow. “Rakeltin, when the Microwave was ablaze, you decided that a bucket of water would calm the fire. Did you not stop to think about the consequences of throwing water on electrical appliances at all?”

“Imbecile…” Lord Fear muttered under his breath.

Rakeltin glared at the time lord. “I just thought ‘I had to get that fire out.’ At that point, I did not stop to think what would happen – obviously I know that water and electricity don’t mix.”

“At least you did something,” Mal commented. “Unlike our project manager. Soulright, what exactly did you do for this task?”

“I organized the final menu and I supervised the cooking. It’s not my fault that I was working with klutzes.” This earned her nasty glares from Commander Skymaster and Rakeltin.

“Soulright,” Vixienne prompted. “As the team leader, you failed to keep composure when a simple jeer was made. I’m of course referring to the Niles incident. Do you feel that's an appropriate example to set?”

“I was just…shocked that he wouldn’t help us whatsoever. I admit that I do have a bit of a temper when things don’t go right, but it also gives me plenty of drive to get the job done!”

“But hunni,” the fox continued calmly. “As an evil Apprentice, you’re going to have to work with individuals like Niles all the time. You can’t snap like a twig every time one of them says something that you don’t like.”

The wolf nodded meekly.

“Even more disturbing to me though was the fact that you lost complete control when the microwave exploded. If it wasn’t for Thief’s quick thinking, the kitchen would have been destroyed.”

“Alright,” Soulright admitted. “I was not a good leader today, but it was a learning experience. If I get another chance, I’ll be a stronger leader – I know what it takes now! Besides, my mistakes pale in comparison to some of the others!”

“I think that wraps it up,” Mal said firmly. “Do either of my advisors have anything else they would like to say?” Vixienne shook her head no.

“Do you think I’m an imbecile?” Lord Fear asked out of the blue. He gave the Decadents a death glare as he asked this.

Naturally, nobody answered.

“Thief,” Mal said. “As the only one who performed well, you’re obviously safe. Hal,” he addressed the hyena. “Though you failed to check with Eggman before making the omelet, there were far more glaring mistakes today so you won’t be fired. Rakeltin,” Mal looked at the demon. “Your actions could have destroyed the kitchen, but at least you attempted to do something. The three of you are dismissed – go back to the suite.”

The Elven, hyena, and demon nodded and left the room.

“Dragonix, Soulright, and Commander Skymaster,” Mal addressed the remaining three. “Go wait outside – one of you WILL be fired in a few minutes.”

They exited the room silently leaving Mal and his advisors alone in the boardroom.

Who will be fired? Find out later on today!

[Dragonix]

BUT....BUT...EGGMAN!!

Damn you Niles. DAMN YOU!



Great Chapter Mal. Can't wait to find out who gets fired.

[LordF]

Another great chapter Mal, I found it funny and good at the same time. Keep it up Mally. I wonder who will get fired...

[camaron]

Ooh, tension. And your portrayal of Doug was good enough to get "Fortunate Son" stuck in my head, which is a pretty good accomplishment. Can't wait to see who gets sacked...

[ShadowSoulright]

Oh nice, remind me to poke Niles when I can. I'll admit I overreact on some issues, so I might get fired. Can't wait to see, though.

Nice chapter, Mal! Look forward for the next.

[Xaiv]

Jeez, I was nervous. I thought Hal was done for already. XD But all in all, it was a great chapter. Even better because I can't get fired! Hehehehe.

[shy guy]

This rocks! I love this one. "Maybe every idiot can't make a box of Mac N' Cheese."

I will make a note of that. ROFL.

[fist the echinda]

Wow... EXPLODING MICROWAVE!

[Malstygian]

The moment of truth:

============================
The dragon turned to Lord Fear. “What do you think?”

The time lord looked pensive. “All had their faults, but I think Soulright should be axed for her poor leadership skills.”

Mal nodded and faced Vixienne. “Who do you think I should fire?”

“Commander Skymaster’s blatant incompetence and failure to use his own initiative and frivolous actions will only cause you trouble, Mal. For someone with such high ranking, you'd think he wouldn't overlook such simple details.”

”As for Soulright,” she continued. “She's too fickle and wears her emotions on her sleeve. Her passion is good, but loses her rag too quickly which is not the right attitude for an Evil Apprentice. She was the Team leader, yet buckled under any form of pressure.”

The dragon considered this. “Pretty strong opinions from both of you. Alright, I think I know what I’m going to do.” He reached over and hit the intercom button. “Send them in.”

Outside the boardroom, the secretary looked up and smiled. “You can go back in now.”

Dragonix, Soulright, and Douglas filed back into the boardroom without speaking as they took their seats in front of Malstygian.

“Let me just say that the performance from you three was absolutely abysmal. I expect much better from the two of you who are not fired. Dragonix,” he looked at the black dragon. “If you were me, who would you fire?”

“Ummm…Commander Skymaster,” Dragonix responded hesitantly.

“Why?” Mal asked forcefully.

“Because he blew up the microwave by not looking at the directions. He didn’t even open up the box!”

Malstygian nodded in agreement. “That was indeed an egregious mistake. Soulright, who would you fire?”

“Douglas,” she said without hesitation. “He is a complete klutz who will give Maltech a bad name.”

Mal arched his eyebrows at this. “A most damning assessment I would think. Douglas?”

“Soulright, definitely,” the German shepherd answered. “If she displayed the leadership skills that she showed tonight in the Carradane Military, she would have demoted to buck private so fast that you wouldn’t have a chance to blink.”

“Well,” Mal began clasping his fingers. “It seems that there is some bad blood between you three.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “If this were a democracy, Douglas would be out on his ear, but luckily for him, it’s not. He made the worst blunder of the day and his actions almost destroyed Eggman’s kitchen – you owe him for that microwave by the way. However, the team completely fell apart and was revitalized by an individual who was not even the team leader! Commander Skymaster, though you made perhaps one of the most moronic decisions I have ever witnessed as a super villain, I have to say….”

“…Soulright, you’re fired! Get the hell out – all of you.” The wolf nodded her head silently as she got up to leave. She gave a nod of appreciation to Malstygian and his advisors before she walked out the door followed by Dragonix and Douglas.”

She watched the two board the elevator to go back down to the suite. She gave them a raspberry as the doors were closing. Heaving a sigh, she got in the opposite elevator heading upwards.

“First one, eh?” the elevator operator asked with a smirk. Soulright smiled and extended her claws as the doors closed. When they completely shut, an audible scream could be heard.

Meanwhile, back in the boardroom, Malstygian looked between his two advisors. “That was the right decision.”

Vixienne and Lord Fear nodded their ascent.

“I need an evil Apprentice who is a strong leader – even in times of duress. Soulright just doesn’t show that quality. She had many opportunities to take control of her team during the task, but she didn’t utilize them: she didn’t check with Eggman before preparing the menu, she lost her temper at the drop of the hat, and she didn’t supervise Commander Skymaster when he openly admitted that he couldn’t cook! What cinched it though was that another individual recognized that the ship was foundering and was forced to take full control.”

Upstairs, the elevator had arrived at the lobby. As Soulright exited, the operator painfully held his hands to his face – which now had two sets of diagonal slashes running across it. Exiting Maltech, the wolf climbed into an awaiting taxi and sped off into the evening calm.

Downstairs, Dragonix and Douglas had just entered the suite. Looking out into the hallway, Dragonix shut the door.

[ShadowSoulright]

WEWT! I got fired AND mutalated the elevator person! Should have killed him in the bloodiest way possible... But still, I knew I wouldn't make it. XP

More great writting, Mal. Still look forward for the rest!

[Rising_Phoenix]

*pats Soulright*

Great installments Mal. Wonderful job.

*eagerly awaits the next part*