Evil Apprentice Options

[Malstygian]

List of remaining applicants - fired employees are struck out:

Capitas

Lucy T3h Eevee
Captain Pooshoes
Shadow Mage
Jolterion
Turrican
Rayna
Hal


Decadents

Dragonix
Soulright
Thief
Rakeltin
M. Douglas Skymaster


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Episode 000: Introductions

Thirteen individuals (the twelve applicants and the operator) stood in the semi-spacious walnut paneled elevator on the ground floor of Maltech enterprises. The doors closed, then opened, attempted to shut, but flew back open again.

“Sir?” the elevator operator tapped the scaly shoulder of the lone reptilian passenger. “Would you be so good as to pull your tail inside the car?”

Dragonix’s black face went beet red as he pulled his tail into the elevator amidst snickering and sniggering from some of the others. Finally the doors closed and the car descended down the shaft at a rapid pace. Unfortunately, he had pulled his tail into the elevator so quickly that it created a makeshift draft, momentarily lifting Soulright the wolf’s skirt. Of course the gentlemen did not try to sneak a surreptitious peek – well, maybe one did and a few others tried. Needless to say, Dragonix’s cheeks weren’t the only ones that were red.

Since this ride will take awhile, as the omniscient narrator, I thought now would be a good time to introduce the other players in this story.

In the back corner, a man dressed in a lustrous blue metallic was leaning upon the rear wall of the elevator. He was one of the few not laughing at the mishaps of Dragonix or Soulright. Why? Because he didn’t have a sense of humor – that’s why. Additionally, he didn’t mince words – hardly any at all as it turned out. The only words that had left his lips thus far were his name: “Turrican.” Well, technically it was the suit’s name, but no one dared to ask him his real name after watching the vagrant outside fleeing for his life. The poor sap had dared to ask Turrican for a quarter to which the spaceman reached in his pocket and pulled out…a large multi-functioned firearm – deadly in nature. Turrican made forty-one cents on that transaction.

Next to Turrican, at a spacious distance, stood Jolterion - a fox with yellow and white tufts of fur cleverly disguising his razor sharp spikes. He made quite a shocking introduction to the men as he surged a few volts through each of his handshakes. When hugging the female applicants, he listened with satisfaction at their screams as they were being stuck by his spikes. Right now a methodical evil laughter was emanating from him after watching Dragonix’s and Soulright’s faux pas. If he had stuck his pinkie into his mouth, you would have sworn he was Dr. Evil.

In the other rear corner, one of the ceiling panels of the elevator panels had burned out, creating makeshift shadows. Crouching there was a figure dressed in an old-fashioned ninja suit so that only his eyes were showing. Suddenly, with a crazed laugh, the pointed-eared creature tossed a bomb into the air of the enclosed space. With shouts of “What the hell are you doing!!?” and “You idiot!”, everyone threw themselves on the carpeted floor of the elevator awaiting the inevitable boom. Seconds later, the “bomb” expelled a small cloud of smoke small and then to everyone’s chagrin, released gobs of confetti from its interior. From his perch in the shadows, Thief the Elven looked at the group and tittered.

Nearby, a tan-black German shepherd stomped the torrent of confetti from his black Koroftian military boots. As soon as he arrived, Commander Douglas Skymaster wasted no time in letting everyone know just who the top dog of this brigade was. When he had parked his Sherman tank outside of Maltech and had no change for the parking meter, he ran over it – multiple times. Now, with every chance he got, the Carradane Commander shot Thief dirty and threatening glances for sullying his footwear. Taking a deep breath, in an attempt to calm himself, Douglas suddenly plunged his right paw into his utility jacket and came out with his static plasma cannon. “Think that was funny, elf boy!?” he roared with indignation as he leveled the weapon toward the dark corner.

“ARRRRR, DOUGLAS,” Captain Pooshoes shouted unnecessarily loud and then hiccupped. “Put yer little boomstick away before ya get hurt, boy!” Being somewhat under the influence, the intoxicated captain physically pushed the weapon down, not afraid of it accidentally discharging. Turning around, he smiled at seeing a light-purple fox-like creature and slapped it on the rear. “Arrr,” he said with affection and a wide grin. “You be a buxom broad – that’s for sure.” Seconds later, the captain had a red mark on his face from where he had been slapped. “Arrr…” he said in a more subdued tone.

At hearing Commander Skymaster’s and Captain Pooshoes' voices, Jolterion started his Dr. Evil laugh once more – Wayne’s World meets Garth Brooks.

Rakeltin the demon stood in the center of the elevator and he was a bit miffed – not at the prospect his entire body was coated with confetti, but at his diminutive stature. Normally, he would have stood a mighty twelve feet tall and twelve feet wide, but contingent to competing for the evil apprentice position, he had to allow Maltech scientists to shrink him so that he could fit inside of the building. This included his wings and tail which were now reduced to a size proportional to the rest of his body. Upon his firing, he would be restored to his normal size. However, if he were to win the competition, he would be forced to remain his current 6 feet 2 inches. To pass the monotony of the downward descent, Rakeltin took off his pitch black helmet and meticulously cleaned the confetti off of it.

Meanwhile, Lucy Teh Eevee was swishing her purple tail angrily, still peeved at Captain Pooshoes’ earlier conduct. She whipped out a purple mirror from somewhere from the folds of her fur and raved about how cute she looked. Looking down, she thought the flaming chainsaw nestled in her pink paws increased her cuteness factor by at least five. If that lewd sailor tried to cop another feel, she’d let him have it, but good – she smiled at the thought of the flames on the chainsaw ripping through his flesh. Maybe later.

The redness in Dragonix’s face slowly started to diminish from the first incident, but it must not have been enough to mortify himself once. Perhaps capricious beings such as Dragonix lived for having the spotlight – be it good or bad. In a truly random move, the young dragon turned to face Captain Pooshoes. “Buxom - what’s that? Am I buxom?”

“ARRHARRHARR!!” was the histrionic sarcastic response and then the pirate cleared his throat. “No,” he said soberly.

Soulright shook her head in disgust over the earlier occasion and fumed. Over the previously airborne skirt, the female wolf sported a red t-shirt emblazoned with a “D:” logo printed on the front and “=o” design printed on the back. “How would you like to be turned into a purse, you clumsy dragon!?” she screeched like a shrew.

“Sorry…” Dragonix murmured.

“Well,” a new voice interjected. “Maybe if you wouldn’t have worn that lightweight skirt. – it doesn’t do a thing for you by the way.” Hal the hyena looked at Soulright with a smirk.

“HOW DARE YOU!?” Soulright thundered, balling up her fists.

“Ah ah,” Hal cautioned as he pressed the muzzle of one of his twin Uzis to Soulright’s nose. “Don’t do anything stupid.” His yellow eyes burned brightly and his blood red pupils bore into Soulright as she mulled over her next move.

“You’ll get yours!” Soulright finally whirled away from the hyena with a huff.

With a satisfied look, Hal returned the guns to the holsters located on his hip. He had always been a quick draw and loved to showcase it whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Nearby, a black eagle sighed and shook her head as she observed the scene. Rayna ran her hand through her silver tipped feathers, preening herself. Dressed in a black leather jacket and faded black jeans, one could make the argument that the eagle and hyena were twins except for the fact that (a ) they had not even known of each other’s existence until today and (b ) were two completely different species. She scoffed at the hyena in his choice of weapons. Why use guns where anything can go wrong when a clean cut with a knife will end it all with no trace? She patted one of the pockets of her jacket where her large bowie knife was easily accessible if need be. The thought made Rayna smile.

Last, but certainly not least, Shadow Mage. No one knew exactly what species this dark sorcerer was since his snugly fitting brimmed hat shrouded most of his face except for his haunting eyes. His voice, sounding almost demonic, caused the hairs on the backs of a few passengers to rise. “Don’t even think about it,” he warned Jolterion who had his hands hovering over the magician’s hat, attempting to remove it. At hearing his voice, Jolterion slowly backed off with noticeable trepidation for Shadow Mage wasn’t facing him when the hat was about to be removed nor did the sorcerer have a mirror – he just…knew.

Soulright, still irked about earlier, grabbed Dragonix’s tail. The unsuspecting dragon was lost in his thoughts and thus did not feel a thing. Suddenly, he jumped up with a yelp and banged his head on the ceiling of the elevator. Rubbing his head vigorously, Dragonix pulled his tail toward him for a closer inspection – two bite marks.

“Hey!” he protested. “Who bit me?” Just then, the elevator jerked to a halt and the bell rang, signaling that the group had arrived at their destination. “DING! Fries are done!” yelled Dragonix as the doors opened, forgetting about his throbbing tail.

As the group exited into a handsomely decorated office, they stared pointedly at the voluptuous secretary sitting behind the lone desk. “Mr. Stygian will see you now in the boardroom,” she purred, indicated a set of double doors to the left.

Turrican twisted the gold knob and shoved the large wooden door open. As the applicants filed into the room, they took in the surroundings. Various pictures were hung in gilt frames on the walls depicting Malstygian and his minions committing random acts of badness. An immense table dominated the floor space of the room. At one end of the long table sat six comfortable looking chairs which Douglas, Thief, Dragonix, Rakeltin, Jolterion, and Hal immediately grabbed and refused to relinquish – manners don’t mean anything to a villain. The other six stood behind them, pouting at having to stand. At the other end of the table sat three empty seats: two more comfortable looking chairs and a green leather executive chair situated in between them. At the moment, they were empty. Bickering soon began between those who were sitting and those who were not.

Seconds later, the chattering immediately ceased as the doors at the opposite side of the room opened. Vixienne the fox and Lord Fear the time lord sauntered into the room as the door shut behind them – their faces devoid of expression. They each took a seat next to the green chair. Then the door opened once more and Malstygian entered the room with an air of importance – he was the ringmaster of this circus after all. The dragon settled into the executive chair and steepled his fingers.

He looked at the candidates and smirked. “Welcome to the worst job interview of your lives. In the coming weeks, I will be subjecting you to outlandish and fiendish tasks. After each, one of you will be fired. There's no goody bag to go away with, there's no blonde in a pretty dress that'll let you cry on her bosom. No, once you are fired, the only thing you'll get is a taxi fare home! When there are only two of you left, I shall select one to be my new evil apprentice to head up a new division of my ever-expanding evil empire. Naturally, I cannot be with you all the time during a task so that’s where my advisors enter into the picture. Let me introduce them to you now.”

“I was very impressed by the resume submitted by Vixienne.” Malstygian gestured to his left to the fox. Though she was seated, Vixienne looked stunning and some of the men, especially Captain Pooshoes, were drooling. “She attended Evil U. where she received her Bachelor’s in Sadism and is the only individual to graduate from the University with a perfect grade point average.”

Vixienne looked at the group as a sadistic smile crept on to her face. “Dahlins, we’re going to have soooooooo much fun.”

“Lord Fear,” Malstygian indicating the gentleman sitting to his right, “is my longtime confidante who specializes in the manufacturing and distribution of weapons of mass destruction. He’s seen it all so if you want to impress him, you’ll have to do something really spectacular.”

“Welcome to Hell,” Lord Fear addressed the group as he flipped his fifteen foot long scarf around his neck. “I hope that it’s hot enough for you!”

“Let me warn you,” Malstygian cautioned. “This is the last time that you want to be sitting in this room. If you wind up in here again, you stand the possibility of being fired.” The dragon shifted in his chair as he switched gears. “Since you all just arrived, you probably want to go downstairs to the suite and unpack your belongings. There, you’ll find your assigned teams. Each of you has been assigned to either the Capitas or Decadents. If you don’t like your teammates, tough - part of being a villain is to suffer the burden of working with cretins. Be ready to leave for your first task in two hours. Now get the hell out – you bother me.”

When the door had shut behind Rayna, the last applicant to leave the room, Malstygian commented aloud to his advisors: “They are certainly a diverse bunch, aren’t they?”

“I agree dahlin,” the vile fox assented. “But I see some real potential in them.”

Malstygian nodded and turned to his other advisor. “What do you think, Fear?”

“They look like the sorriest group of bunglers that I’ve ever seen,” the time lord replied simply.

“I guess that only time will tell,” the dragon concluded with a noncommittal shrug.

In a lower level of Maltech, the candidates had just entered the suite. It was a most luxurious apartment with twelve bedrooms, twelve bathrooms, deluxe kitchen, fully stocked bar, and sumptuous furniture at every turn.

On a teakwood desk, Lucy had found a typewritten note indicating the composition of the teams.

Capitas: Lucy Teh Eevee, Captain Pooshoes, Shadow Mage, Jolterion, Turrican, and Rayna.

Decadents: Hal, Dragonix, Soulright, Thief, Rakeltin, and M. Douglas Skywalker.

As each applicant examined the list to see their teammates, audible groaning could be heard.

Next Episode: The first task and the first firing!